2 april, 2020
There are stories to be released, stories to rewild and stories yet to be written.
I crawled into the ocean like a newborn turtle, my parents caught me in the waves, again and again. Trust and play. It was 1968 in Mexico. My parents studied meditation and yoga together in our garden. Life on Earth had just begun. I was wild, joyous, curious.
Another memory, I stood beside and grabbed hard on to the music player in our living room, and danced, before walking.
My awareness of my body and its movements, the laughing, the expressions, and connections to the people around me were playful as I remember it. But this light and sense of connection was to be clouded for many years.
I had my share of chock, trauma, loss, and grief. My parents separated and as a four-year old, I had to leave the abundant, tropical home, for the dark winter in Sweden. Before my teens, I was subject to a pedophile abusing my innocence and unprotected home, leaving me in years of shameful identification and confusion, this experience coincided with a serious car accident where I experienced coma for a couple of days. Trauma healing became part of my journey.
I became fearful, had no one to trust, lost my self-confidence and started to neglect my true essence. Self-abandonment mirrored by harsh reality, I developed dysfunctional behavior as a way of survival, healthy boundaries was nothing I was taught.
I turned my attention inward and I was seeking for more understanding. How come I am feeling so unworthy, at times really depressed, at other times filled with the inspiration from inside, that light that kept on filling me up. I was guided, even though it was extremely hard at times. An inner wisdom kept me on track.
After travelling, studies in art, dance, communication, and spiritual research, I finally chose a body related profession, physiotherapist it was. The mystery of life, giving birth, was also a big initiation into experiencing the magic of our bodies and the connection to the elements and to spirit.
We come out of a womb filled with water, our first breath is filled with air, our bones are coded with information. And then we have our journey. We are conditioned by society, we are conditioned by the lack of understanding from our caregivers, we are conditioned by our experiences.
I could see how my patterning attracted abusive people and I had a really heartbreaking, painful experience in a co-dependent relationship, that I finally could let go of. This dark tunnel urged me to question dogma and fanaticism, become more assertive and claim my space, setting healthy boundaries. I learned to trust my intuition again and it has given me my freedom of expression, joy and Self-Love back.
There is this dance of light and dark forces within. It is a gift for all of us, where we can explore and express our true Nature. This Tao of duality, that also is studied in Yoga, is inside of us as we are having this human experience on this planet. It also beautifully reflected in our interconnectedness with the elements in Nature.
We need to befriend this reality and learn how to navigate all aspects of life. I believe that we grow as humans when we expand our consciousness, so that we can resolve the shadow aspects of our psyche. And learn to co create in a sustainable way with our environment. My way of getting there has been through somatic movement, playful prayer and deep self reflection.
I believe that everything you need to heal is found within, nonetheless we can benefit from guidance and teachings from lineages that are rooted in collective wisdom. Find the tools and practices that resonate with you.